What the Royall Asses Did

Mawuse H. Vormawor

Alexander J. Clayborne

Brian Klosterboer

This what what we think one or more of the Royall Asses did, in carefully planning what appears, almost certainly, to be a “hate crime” hoax (just the latest in a string of at least 213 “hate crime” hoaxes perpetrated nationwide in recent years, some of them incredibly egregious).

On the evening of Wednesday, November 18, things were not looking good for the Royal Asses in their epic quest to purge evil from the world by removing three stacked wheat sheaves from the Harvard Law School crest. Their October 23 kickoff rally had bombed, and the smattering of media coverage Royall Must Fall had initially received had petered out.

The November 13 attacks in Paris launched by radical Islamic terrorists made things even worse, stealing the spotlight from protests by black students at Mizzou, and the astroturfed “solidarity” protests on other campuses nationwide, focused on Mizzou administrators’ failure to appropriately respond to a litany of hoax reports of “hate crimes.”

A year ago, protests at Harvard under the “Black Lives Matter” banner, fueled by an emotional reaction to Mike Brown and Eric Garner cases, had drawn hundreds — as many as 600 protesters. That energy had long ago dissipated. In an effort to rally the troops, on the afternoon of November 18 black activists at Harvard held a march in “solidarity” with the Mizzou protests. But participation was measured only in the dozens, with the march perhaps only a tenth the size of last year’s marches.

When the Royall Asses gathered together on the evening of November 18, after their failed march, they must have been despondent. But then one of them suggested: “Why not stage a ‘hate crime’ hoax? That would guarantee lots of attention toward racial issues on campus. Right? Just think about all the attention that black college student in Michigan recently brought to racial issues by making an anonymous Yik Yak post saying he’d ‘shoot every black person I can on campus.'”

Two of the Royall Asses appear to be obsessed with the portraits of the law professors lining the first floor of Wasserstein Hall, so it’s no surprise that the Royall Asses quickly focused on the portraits in formulating their plot.

Around 11 p.m. the Royall Asses arrived in the lobby of Wasserstein Hall. They were armed with the black electrical tape. And they were dangerous: they aimed to place short strips of the tape over the faces of black professors. They were ready to carry out Tape-Gate.

That late at night, the place was virtually deserted. But there was a chance they might be caught in the act, or that authorities might later learn that they had placed the tape. Unless they were clever, they would have no good explanation for why they were doing this — people would conclude they’d been caught trying to perpetuate a “hate crime” hoax.

So they came up with a cover story. In case they got caught putting up the tape, they’d have a convincing explanation that they weren’t staging a hoax; they were merely protesting black professors who were insufficiently supportive of their agenda. Such a story would be credible, because school administrators were aware that this type of black-on-black protest had been tried before. The “Black Lives Matter” activists had tried it a year before, but that protest never became publicly known, because Harvard employees noticed and removed the tape early in the morning, before any students saw it.

With any luck, the Royall Asses thought, they wouldn’t get caught. And if they didn’t, when the tape was discovered the next morning they would be able to suggest that the tape got on the portraits after a white racist vandalized their own “educational art exhibit” in support of Royall Must Fall, thereby guaranteeing additional media coverage of their agenda.

They first used the black tape to cover up the three stacked wheat sheaves on the law school crest on the door mat at the end of the hallway where the portraits hang. They also covered the three stacked wheat sheaves on the campus map display in the corner. This was the “educational art exhibit” aspect of the plot.

Then they walked down the hall and put strips of black tape over the faces of black law professors. But they didn’t cover the faces of all the law professors. They left the photo of Lani Guinier untouched. That way, if they were discovered putting up the tape, their cover story would be that they weren’t trying to create a “hate crime” hoax. They’d explain that they were simply protesting black professors who haven’t acted in solidarity with them, just like “Black Lives Matter” protesters had tried to do last year. That’s why they left Prof. Guinier’s portrait untouched (as she supports their agenda).

Not having been discovered, as best they could tell, the Royall Asses then went back to the lobby, to where they’d placed black tape over the door mat. They then removed some of the tape — about the length that would have necessary to cover the faces of the black law professors. This would explain how the random white racist had gotten the black tape to put over the portraits: the white racist first vandalized the “educational art exhibit,” by pulling off the black tape, and then used the tape to vandalize the portraits of the black professors.

Having carried out their plot as planned, the Royall Asses had now positioned matters so that, when the black tape was discovered, they could maintain that this must have been a crime of opportunity committed by a white racist, who happened on the scene just after the Royall Asses left, and who eagerly seized on an incredible opportunity to score a hate-crime trifecta:

(1) make a racist statement against the Harvard black students’ march in solidarity with Mizzou protesters, which had just concluded;

(2) vandalize the Royall Must Fall “educational art exhibit”; and

(3) disrespect the black law professors.

Of course, the Royal Asses’ fiendishly clever plot would be for naught if, as soon as the black tape was discovered in the morning, a professor, student, or someone else at Harvard simply ripped down the strips of black tape, before anyone had a chance to take photos and put them on social media, thereby denying the liberal mass media the opportunity to create an international incident out of a sick stunt by a few misfits.

By great good fortune, the second student on the scene very early in the morning, just after the black strips of tape were noticed, happened to be a racial-justice community organizer named Derecka Purnell. She took photos and got them up on Facebook at 8:31 a.m.

From her blog post about the incident, it seems clear that if a committed black activist such as herself, eager to publicize a “hate crime,” had not been there on the scene so early in the morning, a  professor whose first impulse and strong inclination was to simply tear off all the black tape would have completely foiled the hoaxers’ plans.